


oblivion

by smads



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Heavy - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Ideation, angstish, but its cool, cursing, do I only write heartbreak? Maybe!, everything is fine, its fine, octavio is Not fine, quest spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25457611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smads/pseuds/smads
Summary: Home isn’t always where the heart is.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	oblivion

**Author's Note:**

> Canon is for chumps. So are beta readers. Everything is f i n e.

  
Octavio Silva joined the games to get away from his home. His family. Olympus. The announcement that they were headed back to his old stomping grounds was enough to turn his stomach to lead. He swallowed hard, sure that Mirage, who was standing next to him, could feel his shift in energy. While everyone was still excitedly discussing a new map, and the discovery of Ash in the final bunker, he ducked out of the room. 

Ajay saw him and gave him a half-concerned look, knitting her brows together. He waved dismissively, but he knew his expression told a different story. He knew she would be worried, but he needed to be alone to decipher, and hopefully swallow, all of the emotions he was swimming through.   
  


He wanted to run. Well, not _physically_ run, but flee. Drop out. Disappear. When he got back to his room, he popped open the bottle of whiskey he had stashed under his mattress. Tavi didn’t drink much. He was usually so fucked up on stimulants that any kind of depressant was too much. He would occasionally have a beer, or maybe two, at Mirage’s bar on a night off, but never hard liquor. This whiskey was for guests, special occasions, and Bad Fucking Days.   
  


He drew a long swig from the bottle, rolling his head back and letting the burn consume him. He figured he only had a few minutes before Che came looking, and by then he wanted to be gone. And drunk. And high. His head thrummed with pressure as he attempted to crack his neck. 

It’s not that he didn’t like the life he had created for himself in the Games. In fact, that was one of the only things he liked about his life. He was a star. He had friends, more than just Che. He had a family that actually gave a fuck if he lived or died. His eyes burned slightly at the idea of abandoning all of this. He didn’t even know where he was going to go, quite frankly. But he knew that if he was going to go, he had to just go. 

He jammed the stimulant into his thigh, hissing through his teeth slightly at the pain. Alcohol dulled his tolerance for the drugs. He polished off the bottle of whiskey, and set off. 

————————

He didn’t make it far before alcohol took over, and he couldn’t see straight. His legs felt like jello beneath him. He contemplated just going to Mirage’s bar and drinking himself into oblivion, but, hearing Ajay’s voice in his head, decided against it. He fumbled with his phone.   
  


**chhe**

**what, Silva? you left the meeting early.**

**i cnat go backk**

**we just go where the games take us, you know that. also, are ya drunk?**

**no, they knwe naames. An d maybe**

**where are you?**

**im fine**

**not what I asked**

**imm fine. pls leve me alone**

**tavi, where are you**

**fuck it, I’ll just ping your phone**

By the time he made sense of her last text, she had already gotten his location. Fuck. He tried to stand, but his legs buckled. This is why he didn’t like to mix alcohol with his stim.   
  


The robot’s voice murmured their names over and over and over again in his head. It was too loud here. And where even _was_ here? A roof somewhere. Lava city, maybe. He slammed his palms to his ears. His head dropped to his knees.   
  


The door to the roof creaked open.   
  


“Tavi, what the hell?”

He kicked his legs, dangling them over the edge of the building.   
  


“Tavi,” she started, reaching a hand out to his shoulder.   
  


“Don’t.” He looked at her, half-coldly through his goggles.   
  


“Tav, you cant just quit. I know you. You’ll never forgive yourself.”

”They knew names, Che,” he slurred, “what if the rest find out about—“

”They _won’t_ , I promise. I told you I’ll protect you. Us.” She tried to reach for him again, but this time, he stands, nearly falling. She grabs his arm.

“god damn it, Silva, will ya move back from the edge? You’re gonna give me a heart attack.”

She forced a laugh. He didn’t. Honestly, she couldn’t remember the last time she saw him like this. He bottles so much up that when it finally comes out, it’s explosive. It’s a common theme, with her friends. Elliott is the same way. He drew in a long breath and closed his eyes.   
  


“I can’t go home, Ajay. Nobody-“ he paused, clearing his throat, “nobody wants me there.”

An untrained ear wouldn’t have noticed. Octavio was skilled in hiding his emotions. But Ajay had known him since they were kids. She took a step towards him, with his back still facing her, she couldn’t read his expression.

”Tav, that’s not true,” she consoled. He whirled around, getting way too close to her. She put her hands up in defense, but he didn’t back down.

”Yes, Ajay, it is true,” he hissed, small beads of spit decorating her face. She winced.

”I have no friends there, you’re here, everything that matters is here. and my fucking father def—“ he cleared his throat, “definitely doesn’t—“ his words were strangled. He struggled to breathe. This had only happened to him maybe two other times in his life. He was having an anxiety attack.   
  


Ajay lowered her defensive hands as he backed away, panting and wringing his hands.

”Tavi, just listen to me,” she reached for his goggles. “these aren’t helping. Can I take them?”

He shook his head, “no, no, I’m—it’s—“ 

“Tav, hey, look at me,” he shifted his hidden gaze to her, “it’s nothing I haven’t seen before, right? It’s just me. It’s okay.”

He slowly nodded. She pushed his goggles up over his forehead and slid them off. He had scars and dark marks on his face from many years on Olympus. His strawberry blonde hair was tousled from sweat and anxiety and a helmet.   
  


But that wasn’t what he was worried about her seeing. Only about two times, not counting right now, in their friendship had Ajay ever seen him cry. Once he was free of his goggles, it was like something broke. She wrapped her arms tightly around him. He didn’t immediately respond, too grief-stricken and drunk to move.   
  
“No,” he sobbed, “no, don’t touch me, I’m fine, I’m fine, I just wanna go, please. Please let me go, Che.”

She tightened her grip, resting her chin on his shoulder. 

“Tav, hey, shhh, it’s okay, it’s fine,” she soothed, bringing a hand to his neck as he quietly came undone in her arms. 

”Hey, c’mon, let’s sit. Alright?” she learned this technique in her medic training. Grounding.

”I can’t,” he repeated, “I can’t.”

”That’s okay, let me help you. There we go.”   
  
He slumped onto her shoulder, knees pulled to his chest, and full body trembling. She wrapped her arm around the back of him and gently kissed his temple.  
  


”I’m so scared, Ajay,” he said, voice soft and contrasted from his normal self.

“Yeah, Silva, me too.”


End file.
